Lately, I have been trying to find joy in the little sucker things. its called life.
So I can get my mind off the big stuff I don't have in my life yet. Like my own place, a love life!. A new ride to drive so I can front like I have it all together when i really don't.
Fuck me for trying to have it all. Yeah right!!! But really you can't have it all!! Why! Cuz we are the creatures that are never satisfied and think the grass is always greener on the other side.! When its not!!! Help me lord, to stay focused on things I need to and help me to forget the things I cannot change. Phew! Okay, I am done feeling sorry for myself and now going back to my crappy life!!
Peace
Tootles.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
When Things Fall Apart
So I had hoped to have a few gigs come my way. But just as quick as the anticipation had landed into the ether of excitement, it had quickly dissipated into a few short moments of disappointment and then it was gone. What a difference such a moment can be. You're high one moment on things to come, and then, with a few words of criticism it unravels and it is no more. Funny how in just a brief moment, and it is never the same. Wow. Lesson learned. Always be your own best advocate/cheerleader. No matter what! Crapizoid fills the air all around us and its up to us to decipher it and take what we want and shit out the rest that we don't need.
Tootles
Peace
Tootles
Peace
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Just Wondering
I sometimes wish, it would all just happen already. How much does one need to struggle before they reach their dreams, how many mountains do i have to climb? More and more obstacles/tests to overcome. I am exasperated and tired. I feel like taking a rest a bit. I just want to reach my dream and destination already!!! They say its the journey that makes it worth while, this journey is a bit long for me. I feel like my grip is slowly slipping away. Slowly. I am trying to hold on as tight as I can. Man its hard!!! I need super will power to keep from slipping. I am trying to hold on. I feel so close!!!! So close!!!! But still so far away. I guess I just have to keep on trucking. Here's to your dreams as well. I hope you reach them too.
Tootles
Peace
Tootles
Peace
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Big Pimping spending cheez!
Well I am not quite there, but I have a plan and I am working on it. I am hustling and trying to make shit happen. So I have a few tricks up my sleeve, and going to make them work for me!
So I am working on shooting a trailer for this book. We’ll see how that hangs. I am working a short film short, making it ala Mike Leigh/Micheal Winterbottom, with a real life drama feel to it. Ala Raising Victor Vargas or Half Nelson. Maybe I’ll direct it in a bikini, sipping on some apple martinis (NOT!) But it does sound hoealicious, doesn’t it! I am getting my grind on for real this time. Because you know the fuck why? Because I am getting older, and nothing beats trying to beat mother nature to the time clock, and do as many things as possible and give her the middle finger in the process. NOW WHAT! I ain’t going out like that! Not for a second. Its my new motto. Do or DIE! Either do it or die! CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that it, if I don’t motivate myself who the fuck will? Mother Tersa! SHE”S DEAD! My sentiments exactly, like Morgran Freeman said in SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: "Get busy living or get busy dying". I am getting high off my fucking excitement and it feels so dam good!!
Peace
Well I am not quite there, but I have a plan and I am working on it. I am hustling and trying to make shit happen. So I have a few tricks up my sleeve, and going to make them work for me!
So I am working on shooting a trailer for this book. We’ll see how that hangs. I am working a short film short, making it ala Mike Leigh/Micheal Winterbottom, with a real life drama feel to it. Ala Raising Victor Vargas or Half Nelson. Maybe I’ll direct it in a bikini, sipping on some apple martinis (NOT!) But it does sound hoealicious, doesn’t it! I am getting my grind on for real this time. Because you know the fuck why? Because I am getting older, and nothing beats trying to beat mother nature to the time clock, and do as many things as possible and give her the middle finger in the process. NOW WHAT! I ain’t going out like that! Not for a second. Its my new motto. Do or DIE! Either do it or die! CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that it, if I don’t motivate myself who the fuck will? Mother Tersa! SHE”S DEAD! My sentiments exactly, like Morgran Freeman said in SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: "Get busy living or get busy dying". I am getting high off my fucking excitement and it feels so dam good!!
Peace
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The Art of Hustling
So I am learning how to hustle, in a pimpish kind of way, and starting to feel kind of hoeish. But I gotta do it babe. So I made a few calls and made a few deals. I am working a trailer for a book, working turning a urban movie that is already into a novel/book. And trying some directing gigs too. Man, I am pimping. Gotta do it babe. If not then I don't eat. Right?
Who am i fooling, i live in the basement of my aunt's house watching old movies . No sa (sike!) no but for real i do live with my aunt cuz i am too broke to get a place of my own. You now what something like that does to a woman a grown ass woman's Psyche?
Whatever you know I am saying. Anyhoo. I am trying to hustle and get this paper as they say. I am just sharing and not even caring. BUt I thought maybe you would.
Tootles!
Peace
Who am i fooling, i live in the basement of my aunt's house watching old movies . No sa (sike!) no but for real i do live with my aunt cuz i am too broke to get a place of my own. You now what something like that does to a woman a grown ass woman's Psyche?
Whatever you know I am saying. Anyhoo. I am trying to hustle and get this paper as they say. I am just sharing and not even caring. BUt I thought maybe you would.
Tootles!
Peace
Friday, January 4, 2008
My Lady Humps
Complex issues:
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk All that junk inside your trunk
[Fergie] I'ma get get get get you drunk Get you love drunk off my hump My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump My hump my hump my hump my lovely little lumps
What does it mean to be woman with a working vagina that ovulates every month???. In Africa, they circumcise and mutilate the virgins, for fear for her to be unpure for her mate. I pose this question to my fellow sisters and brothas and aliens too :) A successful woman can be have all of the glory and power. The awards and win the Nobel Peace Prize. But still will looked at to reproduce and be a steadfast and staunch edifice beside her husband. You know the saying "Stand by Your man." Even if you just closed a merger between two companies and traveled miles accumulating frequent flyer miles to meet with President Anan Cofi or Nelson Mandela about world hunger peace, you'd still be expected to come home and cook dinner and get the kids ready for bed. I was so reminded of this when I saw a clip of Diablo Cody, on AMC's Sunday Shoot Out on her myspace page. This an entertaiment show about making movies, talking to actors, screenwriters and producers. First of all, I don't remember seeing alot of female directors or screenwriters be invited to the show, but still. Diablo Cody is a talented screenwriter that wrote Juno, currently in theaters. But Peter Bart and Peter Guber, both repestecd film producers and critics in their own right, were very smug. All they wanted to know was, how did she learn to write, when she will be a real woman and have kids. A very talent person, a man would not have been asked that questioned. I will reserve my full judgement for when I see the wholse show, but from what I saw. It was very chavanistic and condescending, because she is a woman. So bizarro indeed, a person, writes a great movie and all you want to know is when will she get married. I struggle with that same sentiment, I come from a very conservative carribean family. Despite my education, a Bachelors degree in Communications and an MFA degree in Film and Digital Video and the fact that I make films that are enlighting and interesting,instead, they keep wondering when I am going to find a man and settle down. Its a constant battle. I want to be a wife and mother, but not now. I am conflicted with thses same issues.
Oprah Winfrey the richest AFrican-American female. Media mogul, and ballizianaire. The question always comes when will she marry Stedman.
Maddonna- One of the most successful women singers, but she says her biggest accomplishment is being a wife and a mother.
I am getting a fricking headache just thinking about this stuff. I can't fart it all out. But its all the same shit to me.
I can't worry about it too much, but the question does come up from time to time. What does it mean to be an accomplished and successful female chick/woman/chica here in America???
I can feel my period coming. I just deal with it one a day to day basis.
Peace
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk All that junk inside your trunk
[Fergie] I'ma get get get get you drunk Get you love drunk off my hump My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump My hump my hump my hump my lovely little lumps
What does it mean to be woman with a working vagina that ovulates every month???. In Africa, they circumcise and mutilate the virgins, for fear for her to be unpure for her mate. I pose this question to my fellow sisters and brothas and aliens too :) A successful woman can be have all of the glory and power. The awards and win the Nobel Peace Prize. But still will looked at to reproduce and be a steadfast and staunch edifice beside her husband. You know the saying "Stand by Your man." Even if you just closed a merger between two companies and traveled miles accumulating frequent flyer miles to meet with President Anan Cofi or Nelson Mandela about world hunger peace, you'd still be expected to come home and cook dinner and get the kids ready for bed. I was so reminded of this when I saw a clip of Diablo Cody, on AMC's Sunday Shoot Out on her myspace page. This an entertaiment show about making movies, talking to actors, screenwriters and producers. First of all, I don't remember seeing alot of female directors or screenwriters be invited to the show, but still. Diablo Cody is a talented screenwriter that wrote Juno, currently in theaters. But Peter Bart and Peter Guber, both repestecd film producers and critics in their own right, were very smug. All they wanted to know was, how did she learn to write, when she will be a real woman and have kids. A very talent person, a man would not have been asked that questioned. I will reserve my full judgement for when I see the wholse show, but from what I saw. It was very chavanistic and condescending, because she is a woman. So bizarro indeed, a person, writes a great movie and all you want to know is when will she get married. I struggle with that same sentiment, I come from a very conservative carribean family. Despite my education, a Bachelors degree in Communications and an MFA degree in Film and Digital Video and the fact that I make films that are enlighting and interesting,instead, they keep wondering when I am going to find a man and settle down. Its a constant battle. I want to be a wife and mother, but not now. I am conflicted with thses same issues.
Oprah Winfrey the richest AFrican-American female. Media mogul, and ballizianaire. The question always comes when will she marry Stedman.
Maddonna- One of the most successful women singers, but she says her biggest accomplishment is being a wife and a mother.
I am getting a fricking headache just thinking about this stuff. I can't fart it all out. But its all the same shit to me.
I can't worry about it too much, but the question does come up from time to time. What does it mean to be an accomplished and successful female chick/woman/chica here in America???
I can feel my period coming. I just deal with it one a day to day basis.
Peace
Sisi
Telling moments. Last night I was high on saccrine, sweet stuff and everything nice. I was watching an old Canadian favorite film called Sisi, about a hungarian bauvrian princess who falls in love with a prince who happens to be her cousin. (weirdo) time was in 1800's and I guess back then royals married within their families. (echkew) But as soon you see the actress and actor who plays the princess and prince, you'll like whatever and shrug it off and keep stuffing your face with more delusional fairy tale crap of someday this might happen to you. I overloaded my brain and vegetated on this stuff for three hours straights. Cuz my aunt had all three sequels and we watched one vhs cassette at a time. Great! But I had no qualms about it, cuz for one quick second I was transported to far far away land was instantly emotionally invested and divested in Sisi the princess of Hungary/Brauvia. So it was cool, but once it ended it was back to real life. Smack back into reality. Okay, gotta go tend some real crap now.
Tootles
Peace
Tootles
Peace
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Out My Pocket!
Get your hands out of my pocket!!!.
There are many things that urk me about this u.s government. Now they are soley responsible for not getting tax returns on time. Like everyone else I got bills to pay off, and trying to save money at the same time. Its crazy, yet if we don't pay our taxes on time on anything, we get penalized in a big way. Unbelievable, yet we continue to pay through the nose. This illicit war that is going on, we're paying for this and then some. Why can't I get a freebeie just once. I am entiled to a grant named and donated to me in my honor. The Kiki Love Grant, spread the love ya'll. Spread it around!! Please! Just like Britney Spears, the government tells us "Opps I did it again, I played with your heart and got lost in the game." What else is new.
Love me or leave me alone.
Peace
There are many things that urk me about this u.s government. Now they are soley responsible for not getting tax returns on time. Like everyone else I got bills to pay off, and trying to save money at the same time. Its crazy, yet if we don't pay our taxes on time on anything, we get penalized in a big way. Unbelievable, yet we continue to pay through the nose. This illicit war that is going on, we're paying for this and then some. Why can't I get a freebeie just once. I am entiled to a grant named and donated to me in my honor. The Kiki Love Grant, spread the love ya'll. Spread it around!! Please! Just like Britney Spears, the government tells us "Opps I did it again, I played with your heart and got lost in the game." What else is new.
Love me or leave me alone.
Peace
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Hey
So this is rad! I am blogging. I was inspired by Diablo Cody to kick the shy bucket and do the do.
I am virgin so go ahead and please pop my cherry!! Let me know what the hell you think of me. I have not many words to write right now, but I am going to try and do my best not to bore you or put you sleep. I am hella excited and will be doing this as much as I can. Peace
Hit me back !!!
Well, I am self serving chick sometimes and need my ass spanked for being so selfish, but I am getting back on the horse, its nice in the middle and juicy, and getting wet as well. But I digress. I am doing this so I can get fucking noticed! Fuck it! And I hope I do dam it!! Until next time.
Peace
I am virgin so go ahead and please pop my cherry!! Let me know what the hell you think of me. I have not many words to write right now, but I am going to try and do my best not to bore you or put you sleep. I am hella excited and will be doing this as much as I can. Peace
Hit me back !!!
Well, I am self serving chick sometimes and need my ass spanked for being so selfish, but I am getting back on the horse, its nice in the middle and juicy, and getting wet as well. But I digress. I am doing this so I can get fucking noticed! Fuck it! And I hope I do dam it!! Until next time.
Peace
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